is taunting me,
seeming more real than the Reality
I know inside my Self. . .
Reality as I know it to be on the Other Side.
People here can seem
as Real as the Beings of Light that
Stand with me,
Stand for me,
through the Darkness here.
In the Dark,
sometimes they all look
and feel the same;
the Light Beings There,
guiding me, guarding me;
the Beings here binding me,
sharing their hearts with me,
touching me--
locking me into lifetimes
of shared Desire, exchanged Pain,
elusive Forgiveness. . .
challenging me,
'til I am Free.”
I
remember quite clearly resisting being born.
I was not quite in a body, but I could definitely feel the pull and
pressures of the birth process, and I was not at all sure I wanted to
participate. Having hovered close by through the formation of the body now
awaiting the Breathe of Life, I had heard all the many arguments, felt the
anger and witnessed the pounding fists and open palms on soft flesh of the
beings who would parent me. I found myself reconsidering whether this
experience was at all what I had agreed to as I stood aligned with the Karmic
Board, infused with the Light of Spirit and the Highest Aspirations for what I
could accomplish on this particular Walk-About.
Whatever
had I been thinking?
I
was clear that I had been in complete agreement with the project the Board and
I had mapped out. At that time, it had
seemed overwhelmingly perfect and inspired.
The Board- a collective consciousness, a Multi-Dimensional, All-Knowing
Conglomerate Being, so to speak- knew me well and loved me endlessly and
unconditionally. It had been that loving that permeated the meeting
and our outline of what this lifetime would entail. Somehow the Mission we agreed upon, the
exploration I would do, my next “lesson needed,” had seemed much more fun,
exhilarating and do-able when they had all stood with me as I planned and then
committed to the trip.
Already
trapped in the energy field of my next birth, I now remembered that I had
barely escaped last time I had ventured to the Planet Earth. Yes, “escape” is the right word, though
departing from that world entails physically dying. BUT, in all honesty,
as long as I returned to the “Other Side,” Soul intact (and despite rumors,
one’s Soul is ALWAYS intact), I had no problem with that . . . the physical
dying part. In fact, I knew
that my ticket BACK to the Planet had been that I kept opting out of the
“endure to the end” and “love everything” aspect of my visits to the
“so-enchanting-to-others-but-not-to-me” Third Dimension. I kept thinking
I could get away with quitting before my time on Earth was up.
BUT,
I wondered as I watched the life I would be born into—how had I gotten into
this spot? What was the KEY to me being poised on the precipice of what
promised to be a nightmare childhood, struggling to escape the gravitational
pull of this Planet Earth 101 lesson? What was my causal factor? What was I to be learning about?
The
answer-- my Heart. My Empathy, my
Sympathy, my Human Caring and my personalized emotional caring for humans had
more or less had betrayed me time and time again. I also had continually
insisted on JUDGING what goes on on the Planet, calling it BAD and PAINFUL and
UGLY and NO FUN AT ALL!
I
had once enjoyed the luxury of existing only as a non-corporeal being—a Being
of Light and Energy and Sound. I had
been assigned to be a “Guardian Angel," literally and metaphorically, as
nothing throughout in the Universes of Light and Sound exists quite the way
words and thoughts can capture. A little girl needed support as she was being
tortured in some sort of inquisition that could only make sense to an
undeveloped and primitive mind of a being evolving on a planet where the
“most-likely-to-succeed” beast was an ape.
Hmmm. . .
Bewilderment
embraced me as they inflicted pain on this young one of their own kind. She could not escape the anguish as she was
locked into the human form that was all she knew to be herself. I experienced anger in the form of
protectiveness of her. I want to stop her torturer, with force if
necessary. I didn’t realize I was
hovering so close to the beings involved in the exchange that because of my
innate sensitivity and openness I was FEELING through the emotional energy
field that is present around all human beings, and indeed the Planet Earth
itself.
Anyway,
I felt the emotions of anger, protectiveness, and rage coursing through me and
because of my unfamiliarity with the medium of emotion, I responded by leaping
into the child’s body for just a long moment, taking control of the situation
and the torturer’s sword. I killed him,
and as other guards surged in to kill me, I was overcome with fear and unable
to exit the body I had taken over. Thus
I was trapped in Form, with the karma of intense emotions of fear, rage, anger,
protectiveness, and the state of empathy and extreme emotional sensitivity
locked into to my energy body at a very deep level. The DRAMA of the situation had trapped
me. I had gone from observing and
monitoring the scene with loving support, to participating, driven by emotions
of the basest and most human sort.
Thus,
I began a journey of many lifetimes on Earth with my destination/goal being to
break Free again and go “Home” for good—which for me, I thought, was back
to an Existence exclusively in a non-corporeal Light Form. The problem is/was that to actually do that,
to break free of the pull and karma of Earth, one needs to fully LIVE
on Earth. One needs to EXPERIENCE BEING HUMAN. One needs to
respond emotionally and physically, as well as on all other human levels, as
though the Dream of life here on Earth is both Real and Unreal at the same
time. One must live the Dream fully and completely, while also knowing it to be
a Dream with every fiber of one’s being.
Like patting one’s proverbial conscious mind, rubbing one’s proverbial
human tummy and whistling Amazing Grace in the spheres beyond all time and space.
Not
easily done. But, here I am again, on
Earth—learning to do that, learning to live HERE in Peace and Loving, following
my Heart. . . doing Good, doing God.
AND-- I am learning to enjoy that, to have FUN, to LAUGH at all of it,
and to PLAY here, because that is where the FREEDOM comes in for me-- and how
the LOVING fills and fulfills me, and lives through me.
I
know now that that can and does take me Home again.
I
have learned and experienced that I AM HOME when I am doing that. When I am BEING Love, here or anywhere in the
Universes, I AM HOME—no matter what form I am living in or where I am at. I know that Love is everywhere, and
God/Spirit/What Is/Hu/Om (whatever name we call It) is LOVE. So when I AM and DO Love, I am HOME.
